What a shame (again)....

although this time, it is more so than any previous times, considering I am almost a third way done with this milestone called university life. (what?! so soon..)

As I am whizzing past all my references and notes for my third paper tomorrow (which marks exactly half of my exams), I cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not fully utilising my resources here (sorry mom and dad for wasting your money=(). Here I am (again) deep in remorse that I have not given the attention to my studies which it indeed required and that I will be very lucky if I even managed to pass my exams (see, confession is out, I am terrified!).

Studying Politics (among other things, such as the E part of EPAIS) is so different than anything else I have studied and it took me close to nine months to start realise it. Also, it is extremely fascinating and humbling. Where should I even start? Politics is so different from all the subjects I have taken previously, the usual science, math and compulsory languages taught in school. Unlike all those, politics is such an agile, vast and ever-confusing topic that is (as much as we pretend to be apolitical) relevant in the real world. I remember my very first politics seminar, my tutor asked, "If politics is the struggle for power, what is considered not to be in politics?" None of us could think of anything.

Nine months on, I have learnt more in this past two to three weeks than I have in my time here in Warwick. As I jump from chapter to chapter, I only have so much time for each topic, having to spread my time equally among everything. In the end, all I have done is skimmed the surface of various components. There is so much more for me to learn in each and every of those topic, which I would have known by now if I had fully utilised my time here. It really is quite a shame. And when second year comes, there would be even more topic and hopefully, things will be different.

For this, I have made a special arrangement for myself and hopefully it will work to remind me of my current position and feelings (only now that I am back in this ditch, I remember feeling the same way before my A-levels and also every other examination I have taken XD the out-of-time part only, some of them were not quite that interesting XD). I have pre- (or is it post-?) dated this post to be published again on 4 October 2010, which is the first day of my second year.

Hmm.. Will it work, future-me?

A Sense of Purpose

A few days more and the final stage of my first year... begins. My first paper would be Introduction to Politics on Wednesday, a theory-intensive paper requiring four essays done within a time limit of three hours. Then...

OK, you and I have heard enough of that. Waking, eating, breathing, drinking, sleeping exams is certainly no walk in the park, especially when my brain is in serious need of dusting, like dusting cobwebs off old china.

Although it is no easy work, truth be told (and to the horror of me, and probably you), I am enjoying all the work I have been reading on so far. Introduction to Politics, which I first started with, was quite a burden to begin with, dragging myself from one sentence to another, through words like liberalism, conservatism, ya da, ya da... But, after the initial warm-ups, things started to look up and things got really interesting (or is it because I over with liberalism? hmm..). I continued on with World Politics, which I only recently discovered, is very different from Introduction to Politics. Hmm.. Wow. That is how much I have been slacking XD And then on towards World Economy, then now... Mathematics (no one can ever run away from that!).

The stress surely is significant (as for anyone), but I feel positive about it. Admittedly, it has been a long time since I have felt such productivity flowing out of my efforts. And... I have regained back my sense of usefulness, achievement and desires. I gotten back my interest in subjects I came to university for.

I feel lucky that I took the opportunity to study something unique. It suddenly struck me that politics (and soon, philosophy) is not a subject many people (back home) would do or would have the opportunity to do. Another truth here: the initial reason why I took up EPAIS (Economics, Politics and International Studies) was because of a recommendation from my dad. I did not give much thought to it, just considered it to be an interesting addition to pure Economics and went for it. Although there is still a lot left to be desired for essays, I am beginning to feel the thrills and challenge, instead of burden and dread, on finishing them and hopefully writing (*ahem*bullshitting*ahem*) something worth-reading.

There are many things I wished I had done this year (who doesn't?). One of them being putting more effort into my reading and work. Now when I find something utterly captivating, which happens often, instead of delving deeper into it and researching for more information (wiki is everyone's best friend), I am forced to set it aside and move on to other topics that also require my attention. For example, Marxism. There is so much more to it than being the nemesis of liberalism, a communistic propaganda, the Soviet Union.. ya da ya da... And of course, the ever so precious and triumphant liberalism and capitalism, a wolf in sheep's clothing. If only I was not so ignorant before. Well, that will be for another time.

Part of the reason I am writing this is take it as a reminder if I ever fall of the path again.
Remember, remember *imagine scene from Lion King*

Before this ends, let me make it clear that this year have not been a total waste. I have found that there are some things I can live with, some things that I can live better off without, turned a minor interest into a major one and found it indispensable, unfortunately I had to temporarily suspend it due to its "side-effects" XD Last but not least, the friends (dare I say family?) that I have come to know in this short nine months. They deserve a whole other post, which will come soon.

Already am looking forward to next year even before this one ends. Remember, remember.. XD

Good luck everyone!

Running is guilt-free

As exams looms closer, I just cannot help but to be weighted by this feeling of..... guilt.

Guilt of not pacing my studies since the beginning of the year (in fact, beginning of my education).
Guilt of not fully utilising the resources my parents have bought for me using their hard-earned money.
Guilt of using that money instead to spend my time idly (and garner the most amazing friends!).

Especially now, the guilt is immense.

Guilt of "revising" the wrong book. *hint:almost everyone "reads" this book

And until recently, guilt of not training for my half-marathon (38 days away). My excuse would be due to the weather, it dipped last week and running outside was the last thing I wanted to do.

At last today I bucked up and ran out the door into the most wonderful weather so far. It's lovely that spring is back again. (In fact, I got to kick the blanket off me on the previous night, a second time!)

The run was surprisingly ache-free and it was absolutely indulging. It does not cease to amaze me that running, unlike books, does not punish me for neglecting it. Unlike books, I feel so at ease and thoroughly enjoying every single stride. Instead of time quickening as I am having fun (which it usually does, oh.. all those late nights in the kitchen talking!), time seem to cruise more slowly as I pace myself. Maybe it is because for that period of time, I really am focusing on the present. The bomb!

Run, and you will know what I mean.

See all of you soon, miss you guys lots!

One week was running, next diet, now studies

A little more than two weeks to go and I am so not ready.

Although, love having people to study with. Sure beats studying alone (which doesn't even work!).

Real politics vs. "Fake" politics

These past few days have been pretty historical to the British government. Ever since election day, where none of the parties won a majority, the government have been in a, what they love to call, "Hung Parliament".

In the first few days, it was highly assumed that there would be a Lib-Tory coalition, since Nick Clegg (party leader of Lib Dem) expressed, during his campaign, that he would join with David Cameron (leader of Tories) if Conservatives were to get a large proportion of votes, but insufficient to win a majority. Furthermore, Nick Clegg was officially in talks with the Conservatives exclusively after the election results.

Come today, it was exposed that Lib Dem were in secret talks with Labour over the weekend. Yesterday, Nick Clegg met with Gordon Brown. It looks like Conservatives have already laid down their cards (promising vote reforms, which is one of Lib Dem's priorities).

It doesn't take a national vote to know that everyone is restless and highly displeased with how Nick Clegg is handling this situation. On the other hand, they are after all, the LIBERAL Democrats. Nick Clegg deserves some applauds for putting up with all the pressure and talking with both sides of the parties. On the other hand, it clearly shows how he would handle major situations while in government.

Such an interesting time for politics students. The last hung parliament in British elections, if not mistake, was during 1970s. There is so much for us students of politics to observe and listen as history unfolds. Yet, we are suppose to be deep into our theoretical books, preparing for the imminent year-end exams.

I really should go back to the "fake" politics, i.e. political theories, ideologies, which are all in my "Introduction to Politics" module. Are these ideologies really relevant or are they really fake?

For now, it really does feel irrelevant.

Sacrifices are inevitable, but it's temporary

Some things can never go together, like water and fire, summer and winter, liberty and monarchy.

Baking and weight loss don't go together too.

In the past few months, I have been immersed in the world of cooking and baking. It blew me away, especially the latter. There are so many resources available both in and away the computer, thousands of books and even more blogs dedicated wholly to the topic of food. The love for something we live with everyday is everywhere in this world, from here, to America and all the way home in Malaysia. There are so many blogs dedicated to our South-East Asian specialties and all written so well.

No doubt I soon found myself among them, eagerly trying all sorts of recipes found both on the web and in cookbooks. I went crazy (to say the least). I dedicated hours to cooking and baking, something I am certain I could not have done if I remained back at home. I enjoyed every single minute of it, even slaving six full hours alone in the kitchen to bake just one cake.

Unfortunately, I went overboard in this short year (with the bingeing when I first came here and later baking escapades) and gain quite a few pounds. I could feel the effects of the excess weight (it is surprising how little can make such an effect), I felt lazy both mentally and physically and lost substantial interest in my purpose in being here. It took me two weeks being away from this encapsulating way of life in Warwick to get a wake-up call. The efforts to change, so far, are going well: running frequently and eating healthy and the inevitable halt on baking. Of course, there are days (today, for example) I do want to start the oven in the kitchen, but that would steer me off track from my schedule and goals.

That is not to say I will not bake often again. Balance, I believe, is key. For now, I will stay away from baking. But once I am ready and have achieved what I aimed for, I shall return to baking (not with a vengeance, balance balance). This too, is a motivation for me to complete the half-marathon in good time (an apt sign of being ready?)

Til then, goodbye baking.

Please donate =) http://www.kl-marathon.com/profile/22321

KL Marathon: Run For a Cause

As a motivation to lose the UK fats (that is what I am calling "them") and to get fit, I have signed up for the Standard Chartered KL Marathon on 27 June 2010 under the category of half-marathon (21.1km). I will be running with my housemate here, who was the first to come up with such a great idea!

Instead of solely running, I decided to run for charity, which is the National Cancer Society, in hopes to help them raise funds to continue their non-for-profit work. One of their efforts which caught my attention is building public awareness on early detection for cancer. So many times people have to perish to that disease because they were not paying attention their own body and were unable to find out about the tumour growing inside of them until it is too late. So much pain and suffering can be minimised if everyone took steps to watch after themselves. There is no absolute guaranteed way to prevent the disease, no one is an exception. It can occur to anyone, even the healthiest of people (although staying fit and keeping away from smoking does do wonders). Thus, we should all learn to listen to our own vessel and rely less on luck in detecting the illness.

Therefore, this a great opportunity to do two good things. One, donating to this noble cause and to support me in completing the half-marathon. It would mean so much to me if you could spare that little sum. All this support would definitely come in handy, especially during the last leg of the race. Also, please drop any messages such as advice and whatever in the comment box. I would love to hear what you all think about it =)

To encourage more people to take part and to record this special event, I will be writing constantly on this highlight of my life, all the way until the day of the event.

Please take a look at my profile page (http://www.kl-marathon.com/profile/22321) on the marathon page and possibly, donate. If you have any enquiries, please do not hesitate to drop me an email at sam.klmarathon@googlemail.com.

Thanks for your time. Stay tuned!