What a shame (again)....

although this time, it is more so than any previous times, considering I am almost a third way done with this milestone called university life. (what?! so soon..)

As I am whizzing past all my references and notes for my third paper tomorrow (which marks exactly half of my exams), I cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not fully utilising my resources here (sorry mom and dad for wasting your money=(). Here I am (again) deep in remorse that I have not given the attention to my studies which it indeed required and that I will be very lucky if I even managed to pass my exams (see, confession is out, I am terrified!).

Studying Politics (among other things, such as the E part of EPAIS) is so different than anything else I have studied and it took me close to nine months to start realise it. Also, it is extremely fascinating and humbling. Where should I even start? Politics is so different from all the subjects I have taken previously, the usual science, math and compulsory languages taught in school. Unlike all those, politics is such an agile, vast and ever-confusing topic that is (as much as we pretend to be apolitical) relevant in the real world. I remember my very first politics seminar, my tutor asked, "If politics is the struggle for power, what is considered not to be in politics?" None of us could think of anything.

Nine months on, I have learnt more in this past two to three weeks than I have in my time here in Warwick. As I jump from chapter to chapter, I only have so much time for each topic, having to spread my time equally among everything. In the end, all I have done is skimmed the surface of various components. There is so much more for me to learn in each and every of those topic, which I would have known by now if I had fully utilised my time here. It really is quite a shame. And when second year comes, there would be even more topic and hopefully, things will be different.

For this, I have made a special arrangement for myself and hopefully it will work to remind me of my current position and feelings (only now that I am back in this ditch, I remember feeling the same way before my A-levels and also every other examination I have taken XD the out-of-time part only, some of them were not quite that interesting XD). I have pre- (or is it post-?) dated this post to be published again on 4 October 2010, which is the first day of my second year.

Hmm.. Will it work, future-me?

A Sense of Purpose

A few days more and the final stage of my first year... begins. My first paper would be Introduction to Politics on Wednesday, a theory-intensive paper requiring four essays done within a time limit of three hours. Then...

OK, you and I have heard enough of that. Waking, eating, breathing, drinking, sleeping exams is certainly no walk in the park, especially when my brain is in serious need of dusting, like dusting cobwebs off old china.

Although it is no easy work, truth be told (and to the horror of me, and probably you), I am enjoying all the work I have been reading on so far. Introduction to Politics, which I first started with, was quite a burden to begin with, dragging myself from one sentence to another, through words like liberalism, conservatism, ya da, ya da... But, after the initial warm-ups, things started to look up and things got really interesting (or is it because I over with liberalism? hmm..). I continued on with World Politics, which I only recently discovered, is very different from Introduction to Politics. Hmm.. Wow. That is how much I have been slacking XD And then on towards World Economy, then now... Mathematics (no one can ever run away from that!).

The stress surely is significant (as for anyone), but I feel positive about it. Admittedly, it has been a long time since I have felt such productivity flowing out of my efforts. And... I have regained back my sense of usefulness, achievement and desires. I gotten back my interest in subjects I came to university for.

I feel lucky that I took the opportunity to study something unique. It suddenly struck me that politics (and soon, philosophy) is not a subject many people (back home) would do or would have the opportunity to do. Another truth here: the initial reason why I took up EPAIS (Economics, Politics and International Studies) was because of a recommendation from my dad. I did not give much thought to it, just considered it to be an interesting addition to pure Economics and went for it. Although there is still a lot left to be desired for essays, I am beginning to feel the thrills and challenge, instead of burden and dread, on finishing them and hopefully writing (*ahem*bullshitting*ahem*) something worth-reading.

There are many things I wished I had done this year (who doesn't?). One of them being putting more effort into my reading and work. Now when I find something utterly captivating, which happens often, instead of delving deeper into it and researching for more information (wiki is everyone's best friend), I am forced to set it aside and move on to other topics that also require my attention. For example, Marxism. There is so much more to it than being the nemesis of liberalism, a communistic propaganda, the Soviet Union.. ya da ya da... And of course, the ever so precious and triumphant liberalism and capitalism, a wolf in sheep's clothing. If only I was not so ignorant before. Well, that will be for another time.

Part of the reason I am writing this is take it as a reminder if I ever fall of the path again.
Remember, remember *imagine scene from Lion King*

Before this ends, let me make it clear that this year have not been a total waste. I have found that there are some things I can live with, some things that I can live better off without, turned a minor interest into a major one and found it indispensable, unfortunately I had to temporarily suspend it due to its "side-effects" XD Last but not least, the friends (dare I say family?) that I have come to know in this short nine months. They deserve a whole other post, which will come soon.

Already am looking forward to next year even before this one ends. Remember, remember.. XD

Good luck everyone!

Real politics vs. "Fake" politics

These past few days have been pretty historical to the British government. Ever since election day, where none of the parties won a majority, the government have been in a, what they love to call, "Hung Parliament".

In the first few days, it was highly assumed that there would be a Lib-Tory coalition, since Nick Clegg (party leader of Lib Dem) expressed, during his campaign, that he would join with David Cameron (leader of Tories) if Conservatives were to get a large proportion of votes, but insufficient to win a majority. Furthermore, Nick Clegg was officially in talks with the Conservatives exclusively after the election results.

Come today, it was exposed that Lib Dem were in secret talks with Labour over the weekend. Yesterday, Nick Clegg met with Gordon Brown. It looks like Conservatives have already laid down their cards (promising vote reforms, which is one of Lib Dem's priorities).

It doesn't take a national vote to know that everyone is restless and highly displeased with how Nick Clegg is handling this situation. On the other hand, they are after all, the LIBERAL Democrats. Nick Clegg deserves some applauds for putting up with all the pressure and talking with both sides of the parties. On the other hand, it clearly shows how he would handle major situations while in government.

Such an interesting time for politics students. The last hung parliament in British elections, if not mistake, was during 1970s. There is so much for us students of politics to observe and listen as history unfolds. Yet, we are suppose to be deep into our theoretical books, preparing for the imminent year-end exams.

I really should go back to the "fake" politics, i.e. political theories, ideologies, which are all in my "Introduction to Politics" module. Are these ideologies really relevant or are they really fake?

For now, it really does feel irrelevant.

What a shame (again)...

although this time, it is more so than any previous times, considering I am almost a third way done with this milestone called university life. (what?! so soon..)

As I am whizzing past all my references and notes for my third paper tomorrow (which marks exactly half of my exams), I cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not fully utilising my resources here (sorry mom and dad for wasting your money=(). Here I am (again) deep in remorse that I have not given the attention to my studies which it indeed required and that I will be very lucky if I even managed to pass my exams (see, confession is out, I am terrified!).

Studying Politics (among other things, such as the E part of EPAIS) is so different than anything else I have studied and it took me close to nine months to start realise it. Also, it is extremely fascinating and humbling. Where should I even start? Politics is so different from all the subjects I have taken previously, the usual science, math and compulsory languages taught in school. Unlike all those, politics is such an agile, vast and ever-confusing topic that is (as much as we pretend to be apolitical) relevant in the real world. I remember my very first politics seminar, my tutor asked, "If politics is the struggle for power, what is considered not to be in politics?" None of us could think of anything.

Nine months on, I have learnt more in this past two to three weeks than I have in my time here in Warwick. As I jump from chapter to chapter, I only have so much time for each topic, having to spread my time equally among everything. In the end, all I have done is skimmed the surface of various components. There is so much more for me to learn in each and every of those topic, which I would have known by now if I had fully utilised my time here. It really is quite a shame. And when second year comes, there would be even more topic and hopefully, things will be different.

For this, I have made a special arrangement for myself and hopefully it will work to remind me of my current position and feelings (only now that I am back in this ditch, I remember feeling the same way before my A-levels and also every other examination I have taken XD the out-of-time part only, some of them were not quite that interesting XD). I have pre- (or is it post-?) dated this post to be published again on 4 October 2010, which is the first day of my second year.

Hmm.. Will it work, future-me?

Imperfections of World Democracy

Although so far until now I have made no mention on anything regarding to my studies here in Warwick, I have learnt and immersed myself in the sorts of knowledge which I would not have otherwise.

Before arriving in UK, when people questioned the course I would pursue here, I would just give the short answer: Economics. That is not exactly true. Not only am I studying Economics, I decided (with the suggestion from my father) to take Politics and International Studies as well. So, the course name is Economics, Politics and International Studies (thus Economics was a much simpler and shorter answer to people's questions).

As far as I am aware of, Warwick is the only university providing such a course. Thus, I was as clueless as everyone else what EPAIS entails. All I know that I would be studying both Economics and Politics. Up until now, neither have I touched anything regarding International Studies, nor do I know what exactly that means. Is international studies another name for international relations (a specialised branch of politics)? I have no clue.

For this year, I have taken up three Economics modules and two Politics modules. Economics 1 is pretty simple, most of the topics were covered in A-levels, just add a little bit more. Quantitative Techniques is pretty damn hard, especially with a lecturer like Dennis Leech. World Economy just begun to be interesting as we finished the history part last term and this term, we are having a new lecturer, who is going through the theoretical part.

Politics is a much obscure subject. There are theories to be learnt, but none of them hold absolutely true. There's the realism theory, while on the opposite, there's the liberalism theory. To make matters worse, there is constructivism right in the middle. All of them have people going for it and people going against it. There is no absolute right or wrong in Politics, not even human rights!

Next is the reason for writing this post today. In politics seminar (one for each module every week), we are all academics sitting in our comfort chairs, enjoying the heat from the radiator, discussing and debating world issues like we care, like we understand. Do we really? Even after all the researching and reading, do we really understand what is truly happening outside our classroom door?

While we are discussing all the terrors, such as genocide, terrorism, we speak with a sense of detachment. With a sense of security of knowing that whatever we talk about, it would end when we exit the class. And next week, we will do exactly the same thing all over again. We are not those who have to live with it every day and every night. We do not to fear for our lives. We do not directly face the consequences of the terror happening in this world. Who are we to talk, discuss about it and act as if we truly understand?

Reading the news about Aung San Suu Kyi today ("Court to decide on Suu Kyi appeal within a month" January 20, 2010, CNN International http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/01/20/myanmar.suukyi/), there is a person who decided that sitting in the classroom discussing about the issue was not enough for her. She knows that if she wanted to make a difference, she had to go out there and do something, whatever the consequences.

She has been in house arrested for 14 of the past 20 years. Did she think and fear that before she begun? I am sure what she thought of was more than that (probably more on the lines of death and murder, although how is that worse than being isolated in a house with only two companions for 14 years and counting?).

Having been for approximately 20 of such classes so far, it feels like I have not truly learnt anything new. But, this is a necessary step towards achieving something more. Hopefully, not quite like Aung San Suu Kyi (I wouldn't wish for such a predicament to befall on myself), but something of that substance (or as close as it can get).