What a shame (again)....

although this time, it is more so than any previous times, considering I am almost a third way done with this milestone called university life. (what?! so soon..)

As I am whizzing past all my references and notes for my third paper tomorrow (which marks exactly half of my exams), I cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not fully utilising my resources here (sorry mom and dad for wasting your money=(). Here I am (again) deep in remorse that I have not given the attention to my studies which it indeed required and that I will be very lucky if I even managed to pass my exams (see, confession is out, I am terrified!).

Studying Politics (among other things, such as the E part of EPAIS) is so different than anything else I have studied and it took me close to nine months to start realise it. Also, it is extremely fascinating and humbling. Where should I even start? Politics is so different from all the subjects I have taken previously, the usual science, math and compulsory languages taught in school. Unlike all those, politics is such an agile, vast and ever-confusing topic that is (as much as we pretend to be apolitical) relevant in the real world. I remember my very first politics seminar, my tutor asked, "If politics is the struggle for power, what is considered not to be in politics?" None of us could think of anything.

Nine months on, I have learnt more in this past two to three weeks than I have in my time here in Warwick. As I jump from chapter to chapter, I only have so much time for each topic, having to spread my time equally among everything. In the end, all I have done is skimmed the surface of various components. There is so much more for me to learn in each and every of those topic, which I would have known by now if I had fully utilised my time here. It really is quite a shame. And when second year comes, there would be even more topic and hopefully, things will be different.

For this, I have made a special arrangement for myself and hopefully it will work to remind me of my current position and feelings (only now that I am back in this ditch, I remember feeling the same way before my A-levels and also every other examination I have taken XD the out-of-time part only, some of them were not quite that interesting XD). I have pre- (or is it post-?) dated this post to be published again on 4 October 2010, which is the first day of my second year.

Hmm.. Will it work, future-me?

A Sense of Purpose

A few days more and the final stage of my first year... begins. My first paper would be Introduction to Politics on Wednesday, a theory-intensive paper requiring four essays done within a time limit of three hours. Then...

OK, you and I have heard enough of that. Waking, eating, breathing, drinking, sleeping exams is certainly no walk in the park, especially when my brain is in serious need of dusting, like dusting cobwebs off old china.

Although it is no easy work, truth be told (and to the horror of me, and probably you), I am enjoying all the work I have been reading on so far. Introduction to Politics, which I first started with, was quite a burden to begin with, dragging myself from one sentence to another, through words like liberalism, conservatism, ya da, ya da... But, after the initial warm-ups, things started to look up and things got really interesting (or is it because I over with liberalism? hmm..). I continued on with World Politics, which I only recently discovered, is very different from Introduction to Politics. Hmm.. Wow. That is how much I have been slacking XD And then on towards World Economy, then now... Mathematics (no one can ever run away from that!).

The stress surely is significant (as for anyone), but I feel positive about it. Admittedly, it has been a long time since I have felt such productivity flowing out of my efforts. And... I have regained back my sense of usefulness, achievement and desires. I gotten back my interest in subjects I came to university for.

I feel lucky that I took the opportunity to study something unique. It suddenly struck me that politics (and soon, philosophy) is not a subject many people (back home) would do or would have the opportunity to do. Another truth here: the initial reason why I took up EPAIS (Economics, Politics and International Studies) was because of a recommendation from my dad. I did not give much thought to it, just considered it to be an interesting addition to pure Economics and went for it. Although there is still a lot left to be desired for essays, I am beginning to feel the thrills and challenge, instead of burden and dread, on finishing them and hopefully writing (*ahem*bullshitting*ahem*) something worth-reading.

There are many things I wished I had done this year (who doesn't?). One of them being putting more effort into my reading and work. Now when I find something utterly captivating, which happens often, instead of delving deeper into it and researching for more information (wiki is everyone's best friend), I am forced to set it aside and move on to other topics that also require my attention. For example, Marxism. There is so much more to it than being the nemesis of liberalism, a communistic propaganda, the Soviet Union.. ya da ya da... And of course, the ever so precious and triumphant liberalism and capitalism, a wolf in sheep's clothing. If only I was not so ignorant before. Well, that will be for another time.

Part of the reason I am writing this is take it as a reminder if I ever fall of the path again.
Remember, remember *imagine scene from Lion King*

Before this ends, let me make it clear that this year have not been a total waste. I have found that there are some things I can live with, some things that I can live better off without, turned a minor interest into a major one and found it indispensable, unfortunately I had to temporarily suspend it due to its "side-effects" XD Last but not least, the friends (dare I say family?) that I have come to know in this short nine months. They deserve a whole other post, which will come soon.

Already am looking forward to next year even before this one ends. Remember, remember.. XD

Good luck everyone!

Shepard calling wolf

At last there is a story in my mundane life worth mentioning and worth reading.

Yesterday (Tuesday) morning, just before 0900, the fire alarm started ringing. For the first time, I was so sure that it was just a drill testing the system. What made me think so? They have many times done this in the mornings where the alarm would go off for a minute and stop before anyone had time to step out the door (unless you are THAT fearful for your life!).

So, I did what I always do in those situation - hide in the covers of my bed and hoping no one would look through my window, which faces the main road and was uncovered. How so wrong I could be and how stupid I was to do that. Not only did it not stop of a minute, it continued to past 10 minutes mark, half hour, an hour, until it FINALLY ceased at an hour and a half. What an experience to be had with the ridiculously loud alarm ringing in your ears for that long. My mind started altering the "melodies" of the alarm. I am not sure how to explain what I mean, I am no musician after all.

Anyways, being cooped up under THREE layers, one of which is a duvet, for an hour and a half in this season (Spring) is, if I dare say, applaudable. Furthermore, I was terrified of even twitching for fear that an officer would see it through the window. Breathing under the covers started to strain as the air got stuffier and my body was restless, wanting to stretch and get out of the self-made Sahara desert!

Approximately after half an hour (thankfully I had my phone under the covers, which did its best to entertain me=)), I heard sounds of door opening and shutting abruptly. "Oh shit!", the first words that came through my mind. I could hear the noises getting louder and closer. Finally, the inevitable occurred. My blue doors opened and I heard a security guard-sounding (I have no idea why) man talking over his walkie-talkie. It occurred so fast that I couldn't think and could not do anything. I could feel adrenaline fill my pulses into my immovable body, trying to get me up and start running, to get me out of this bed-turned-hell hole. But, I resist, what I could do? Break and jump through my window, like the scenes in Hollywood movies (minus the window being several feet above ground, my room is on the ground floor, not so thankfully)? Or, get up karate-kick the guard? A guard who probably duties as a bouncer at student union.

Luckily, all those were unnecessary. He opened and closed the door as fast as one would if someone asked you to open and close the door, where the other side was just a wall. Nothing other than luck and miracle can explain that. Everyday miracles? XD

It was only an hour after that the alarm stopped. Some time before that, I ventured out of my bed, deciding that I would rather risks the tens of pounds fine (actually, now to think of it, I think it is £100 fine, shit.) than to stay in bed any longer. Never have I so badly wanted to get out of the bed, if only I would feel that way every morning.

In relation to the title above, it could be said that the students are like the villagers, the security is the shepherd, the fire the wolf, with the screams of the boy replaced by a much more annoying alarm. After so many drills, when the actual wolf came, nobody (or just me XD) could not be bothered anymore.

What actually happened was a gas leak (probably from the heaters, since our stoves use electricity). I would consider that another miracle ocurred as the leak did not cause an explosion and kill an innocent, poor girl who was secretly hiding in her covers.

Scary.

What a shame (again)...

although this time, it is more so than any previous times, considering I am almost a third way done with this milestone called university life. (what?! so soon..)

As I am whizzing past all my references and notes for my third paper tomorrow (which marks exactly half of my exams), I cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not fully utilising my resources here (sorry mom and dad for wasting your money=(). Here I am (again) deep in remorse that I have not given the attention to my studies which it indeed required and that I will be very lucky if I even managed to pass my exams (see, confession is out, I am terrified!).

Studying Politics (among other things, such as the E part of EPAIS) is so different than anything else I have studied and it took me close to nine months to start realise it. Also, it is extremely fascinating and humbling. Where should I even start? Politics is so different from all the subjects I have taken previously, the usual science, math and compulsory languages taught in school. Unlike all those, politics is such an agile, vast and ever-confusing topic that is (as much as we pretend to be apolitical) relevant in the real world. I remember my very first politics seminar, my tutor asked, "If politics is the struggle for power, what is considered not to be in politics?" None of us could think of anything.

Nine months on, I have learnt more in this past two to three weeks than I have in my time here in Warwick. As I jump from chapter to chapter, I only have so much time for each topic, having to spread my time equally among everything. In the end, all I have done is skimmed the surface of various components. There is so much more for me to learn in each and every of those topic, which I would have known by now if I had fully utilised my time here. It really is quite a shame. And when second year comes, there would be even more topic and hopefully, things will be different.

For this, I have made a special arrangement for myself and hopefully it will work to remind me of my current position and feelings (only now that I am back in this ditch, I remember feeling the same way before my A-levels and also every other examination I have taken XD the out-of-time part only, some of them were not quite that interesting XD). I have pre- (or is it post-?) dated this post to be published again on 4 October 2010, which is the first day of my second year.

Hmm.. Will it work, future-me?

My last day of March.... 2010 XD

3.30pm

5.00pm

Now-8.30pm

Full days work. Worth every second, I hope =) The smell itself is wonderful (more than wonderful, but I can't seem to find the appropriate word for it)

Hope you guys are having fun in Cambridge. Weird without you guys here =(

Knowing when to fork out the money to eat out

I rarely eat out, I go on weeks (no months yet) without outside food. I am easily satisfied with homemade food.

Every time I eat out, first question I would ask myself is, "Can I cook this?". Usually, I have the confidence to say yes. Obviously I have not been fine dining much.

Thus, knowing when to fork out money for good food is immensely important. I would not want to lose my taste for food and lose the ability to know when a food is inedible (although I have been doing some quite crazy dishes - pepper garlic fried rice last night!).

That is why today's expenditure of £4.50 is justified. There was a Vietnamese food social by the Vietnamese Society (I am Captain Obvious). Together with Nicole and later Tze Xuan and Yeok Yin, all of us were immensely happy with the food the Vietnamese prepared.

The great thing about the social was that for £4.50, I tried so many different things. Unlike outside, for the same amount, I would only get a single dish. I tried almost everything (with the exception of aubergines. Bleh! An acquired taste. It is not that bad I suppose but I would not choose to eat them.) There were the usual noodles and rice. No pho bo though=( The braised pork was excellent, and the chicken soup... MMmmm..

And dessert, I went ga ga. Fruit Salad, I had two servings (bye bye £2). I found the recipe (I think), cannot wait to try.

Unsurprisingly, I could not bear to wait another minute to take pictures before gobbling. Thus no photos. In fact, I only thought about the camera right before my last bite=)

Yum yum..

I PLAN to post something up from Chinese New Year.

A different Chinese New Year (I am Captain Obvious).

The Horror that is DOTA

Imagine a rectangular table cramped with eight laptops on it, two on each sides and people staring straight onto the screen. Imagine the frequent cursing with these words "fuck you", "shit" and many other unmentionables. Oh, and once-in-awhile screams. All this happening while there is nothing to be seen outside in the pitch darkness. Now, imagine this situation on a round table, on a square table. Somehow, I have been through them all these past few days.

It all started last Thursday when everyone declared "holiday". Out came the computers into one of our kitchens. I only got to play on the last day as
1. Mine's a Mac.
2. I did not believe that DOTA could bring such fun into a person's life.
3. I kinda had better things to do (finishing my seminar work for the next day. In the end, I went to class without any sleep!)

Well, the initial hostility was quelled two nights ago(third round so far). It was sort of the final round before everyone left (i.e. Paul and Ka Chuan flying back home. One happy, the other not soXD). And my god, even though I just got pushed around (when there was something bad happening in the middle, Rui Zhe will say "Sam, don't come here.". And the constant running away. And the constant panic attacks throughout the whole game.) Roar.. Feels like two nights ago even just by thinking about it.

The horror that is DOTA. Yet, you still want to play it so so much. Roar. Can't help it. Tsk tsk Sam.

A long and expensive Saturday

It is 8.55pm here now in University of Warwick on a rainy and unfortunately, gloomy Saturday. I have been up 6.00am to participate in the Ultimate Indoor Regionals Open (our team made a women team). We did not go to win, but to brush up on our skills. There were no other women team and many of them were all-male teams, as there are no gender ratios for open tournaments. It goes without saying that we got our arse kicked... BADLY. Nonetheless, we learned a lot. We improved our stack and practiced the 2-1-2 strategy. Anyways, the game did not dig a deep hole into my shallow pockets. Well, not directly. UK is a very dangerous place, it is very easy to splurge for nothing and it is mostly necessary.

I had to meet the team at Coventry Train Station at 7.50am. So at 6.30am, I went to wait for the bus at the bus stop (even when I knew there would be no bus that I could catch in time to meet at the train station, I just wanted to try my luck). Well, bus drivers do not drive when they do not need to. In the end, I had to take a 9 pounds taxi ride to the train station (at that time, I had exactly 9 pounds in my purse, should I count myself lucky?). Furthermore, I had to buy a 4.20 pounds return train ticket to Birmingham.

The games finished at around 2pm. I hurried my way back to Coventry to spend time with my "cooking buddies" (More on them in later post). Arriving in Coventry, I found out they were half an hour away by bus from Coventry at a huge Tesco Arena. We decided to meet at Morrison's later on. In the two hours of alone-free-time, I walked around Coventry buying some necessities (which amounted to 14 pounds, don't ask me what I bought! They really are necessities.). Then, I left on Bus 4 to Morrison's, that single trip costs 1.20 pounds. They were to arrive later so I wasted time in Morrison's and bought some groceries (which amounted to 4.08 pounds), all the food to last me until Thursday (as long as you buy your own food to prepare, food is not too much of an issue). After a very long while, I called them, they said they were in Morrison's for quite some time, yet we didn't see each other. Then it hit me, I went to ask a salesperson whether was there another Morrison's around. Apparently, there was! Arrgghh.... Nothing can quite described how I felt there and then. Nothing. Life was toughest then, really.

I decided I would just return back to university by myself. Took bus back, transiting at the main bus station (that cost 2.70 pounds).

Came back, cleared everything, bathed and now I am in front of my com typing this. One lesson I learnt: Want to save money? Stay in university and don't go out.

Total expenditure today: approximately 40 pounds = RM223 (current exchange rate)

What's more? I have to go back to Birmingham tomorrow for the second day of competition (more like practice). That's gonna cost 7.20 pounds, just for the necessary transport. Unless I start walking 2 hours before, hmm.. It actually sounds tempting.

My brain is quite wrecked at counting everyday, my mind is stresses by it, my mood is also influenced by it. It can't be helped. Thank goodness staying in campus, I don't feel it cause it is possible to go through the whole day without spending a penny (other than for dinner, which averages at 1.50 pounds, which is pretty decent. Own cook of course, this is where my "buddies" come in, I am sure I cannot be bothered to cook everyday just for myself.)

That's all, for now. Time for dinner. At 9.40pm, which has also become VERY normal.