Friday, June 4, 2010

What a shame (again)....

although this time, it is more so than any previous times, considering I am almost a third way done with this milestone called university life. (what?! so soon..)

As I am whizzing past all my references and notes for my third paper tomorrow (which marks exactly half of my exams), I cannot help but feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not fully utilising my resources here (sorry mom and dad for wasting your money=(). Here I am (again) deep in remorse that I have not given the attention to my studies which it indeed required and that I will be very lucky if I even managed to pass my exams (see, confession is out, I am terrified!).

Studying Politics (among other things, such as the E part of EPAIS) is so different than anything else I have studied and it took me close to nine months to start realise it. Also, it is extremely fascinating and humbling. Where should I even start? Politics is so different from all the subjects I have taken previously, the usual science, math and compulsory languages taught in school. Unlike all those, politics is such an agile, vast and ever-confusing topic that is (as much as we pretend to be apolitical) relevant in the real world. I remember my very first politics seminar, my tutor asked, "If politics is the struggle for power, what is considered not to be in politics?" None of us could think of anything.

Nine months on, I have learnt more in this past two to three weeks than I have in my time here in Warwick. As I jump from chapter to chapter, I only have so much time for each topic, having to spread my time equally among everything. In the end, all I have done is skimmed the surface of various components. There is so much more for me to learn in each and every of those topic, which I would have known by now if I had fully utilised my time here. It really is quite a shame. And when second year comes, there would be even more topic and hopefully, things will be different.

For this, I have made a special arrangement for myself and hopefully it will work to remind me of my current position and feelings (only now that I am back in this ditch, I remember feeling the same way before my A-levels and also every other examination I have taken XD the out-of-time part only, some of them were not quite that interesting XD). I have pre- (or is it post-?) dated this post to be published again on 4 October 2010, which is the first day of my second year.

Hmm.. Will it work, future-me?